We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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