my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
