theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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