You're so nebulous sometimes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
