It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
