he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
