I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
