He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
