i was born a porn star she said
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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