Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
