I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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