My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
