i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
