then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
