ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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