we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
