How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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