it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
