If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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