So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
