Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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