you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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