I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
