Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
