Moan for me like Helen Keller
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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