I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
