i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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