Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
