why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
