I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize