you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
