Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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