That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
