Got a toothbrush?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
