Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
