I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
