I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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