just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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