I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I met the friendliest cop last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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