She said her name was "party"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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