Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
