dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
