She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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