are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize