Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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