I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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