textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
