I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
