please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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