So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
