Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he thought i was a dude.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
