I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
