I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
