Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
