I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
