Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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