the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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