I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
