Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
