Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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