i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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