i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
