He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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