oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just cropdusted the office
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
