And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
