You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
