Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize