I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
