Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
